letting go

This week I did some major mental "cleaning".

Almost a year ago

Someone I cared about

Someone I trusted

Someone who made me happy

...

Broke my heart

He was the first person I really cared about.

Something amazing happened the other day though.

After almost a year of trying to find something or someone to make me happy

I decided to just 'let go' of the past.

In that moment of deciding that the most incredible thing happened 

...

I felt happy!

I am smiling

without faking it

I can laugh

without faking it

I am me again

without faking it!!! 

I feel good about ME!

I honestly didn't think I could just be happy

without something

without a catch

but no

I can be truthful and say

I'm happy!!

I don't need anything to be happy

I can just be happy.

Happiness isn't a something

it's a mind set.

But I most definitely didn't get to this conclusion on my own

This was a change of heart

God has been working in me

And preparing me to be able to let go.

By the grace of God

I am rediscovering ME!

Happiness is ...

I decided that I needed to figure out what makes me happy.  One of the ways I'm accomplishing this is this:

I have this sitting where I see it every morning. It's a start ...

Here's to believing that 2012 brings many blessings!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Hurt

I can't say I LOVE hurt.  But what I can tell you about it is ... It's definitely a learning experience.  

I recently experienced a hurt that I haven't felt before ... The hurt of a broken heart.  I learned so much from the experience.  Again, I wouldn't say I've enjoyed the process or wish it on anyone, but I have to say in the moment when I needed to speak confidently I was able to.  God has given me that CONFIDENCE to be who I am & not be afraid to stand up for myself.  

I've also learned that I don't need a guy to tell me I'm beautiful or special because God made me perfect and I am beautiful and special to him!  I also know that it doesn't mean anything if a guy tells me I'm not worth it because if I wasn't worth it then I wouldn't be here.  

By the grace of God he is mending my broken heart.  It takes time, ALOT of time, but it's a work in progress.  And one day I will be happy ... so happy I won't even know what to do with myself, and until that happens I'm just going to keep perservering through the hard days knowing that God will be right beside me the whole way through.  

What an amazing thought, 

"'Never will I leave you, Never will I forsake you'. So we say with CONFIDENCE, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mortals do to me?'"  (Hebrews 13:5b-6).  

This gives me such HOPE ... We may get broken hearts or get hurt or be in pain, but in the end the Lord will never leave us, He is our helper and at the end of the day no man can burden us because the Lord takes that burden from us.  I have so much to be thankful for! 

I think I have been somewhat wallowing in my pain ... NO MORE!  I don't want this hurt to be a negative in my life, I want to learn as much from it as I can and if I think about it in a more positive way I will be able to get over it more quickly & not be bitter.

watermelon

I LOVE WATERMELON ... 'Nuff said!

Childs Family

Today's "I love" ... well its not something ... it's someone ... some four!!! 

I lived with Dave & Michelle for almost a year in Edmonton while I was taking my esthetics course.  I didn't know them before I moved in ... but now 2 years later ... They are my second family!  Carter & Everett are 'my boys'!! They are my 'nephews I don't yet have'!!  

I cannot tell you how grateful and happy and blessed I am to know such amazing people.  When I go up to visit them or see them when they are here in Calgary it's like no time has passed and we pick up right where we left off, even if its been months since I've seen them.  

I get to see them this weekend and these are friends who make me SOOO incredibly HAPPY!!! Just thinking about going to see them .. AHHH I'm just so excited!!  

God really has blessed me with the Childs Family ... You guys are so special to me & hold a very special place in my heart!!!

I LOVE you guys so very much!!!  

Laughing so hard I cry

I LOVE that feeling of being able to laugh so hard I start crying!  That happened tonight ... Jesse, my little brother, is leaving for school for 3 months in Texas tomorrow morning so tonight was our last hangout night ... He was asking me how to sneeze without making noise!  Let's just say when he tried to sneeze without making noise it failed!!!  We started laughing and NOT a word of a lie ... NO exaggerating here ... We laughed SO hard I had tears rolling down my face! 

It's times like those that i realize how happy I really am, how privileged I am that I have friends and family who can make me laugh and who love me so much!  I am so thankful that God has placed such amazing people in my life & I pray for each and everyone of them everyday!  

starry nights

Starry nights remind me,especially, of one of the years we went to Molokai, Hawaii.  It was Sarah, Candaci, Matt, James & me ... we were sitting out on the porch and watching the stars.  Someone had the brilliant idea ... no one could talk until they saw a shooting star! Well ... we ended up talking the whole time because there were so many shooting stars!!  That is one of my favorite memories about those Molokai Mission Trips!  

I LOVE being able to look up into the sky and see millions and millions of stars ... It's absolutely astonishing that there is a Creator who numbered each and every star and put them in a specific place! 

... And that Creator created me!